Posted on November 25, 2010 with No Comments
The expectation is that, for most singles, the holidays can be a depressing time. There will be uncomfortable questions at the family Thanksgiving dinner table (“Are you seeing anyone special? Why not?”), endless holiday parties full of happy couples…
But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s all, really, a matter of perspective. Imagine this: a nosy relative asks you if you’re seeing someone special and you reply, “Not yet, but I’m having fun looking for him/her.”
What if you went to each and every holiday party (even the ones you’d rather not go to) excited to be there without a date? Parties, can be a great way to meet new people and flex your flirting muscles. Chances are, you won’t be the only single person there.
It’s up to you, you can be anxious and depressed about spending the holidays solo. Or, you can embrace your single identity and flirt your way through the holiday season.
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Posted on November 18, 2010 with No Comments
You had a good first date and now you’re on to date number 2. Congratulations.
We’ve prepared a few helpful tips to help make your second date every bit as successful as your first.
1) Be yourself. Really, be yourself. This is not the time to start pretending to like new music, hobbies or food. Be honest about who you are and what you think and feel. Don’t try to impress your date (this goes for men and women).
S/he will see (eventually) through your dishonesty. And, more importantly, you want to be liked for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
2) Remember and follow-up on your first date conversation. Nothing makes a person feel more at ease and appreciated than remembering the details of your prior conversation. Helpful hint: if you have a bad memory, write yourself a note after the first date to remind yourself of something you’d like to bring up in future conversation.
3) Be an active listener/ask questions. The foundation of a great second date is a good conversation. This requires listening and asking questions. It’s not hard, but it does require some effort.
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Posted on November 15, 2010 with No Comments
By Andrea Syrtash, Author of ‘He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing)’
When a friend was complaining recently about how much she has to multi-task, I thought about the fact that there really is no such thing as ‘mono-tasking’ in today’s culture. We are all over over-scheduled, hyper connected and busy. The song ’9 to 5′ hardly resonates for the average American worker. We are working longer hours than ever before (often continuing to do our work into the night); and even though many strive for better work-life balance, we do a poor job at creating it. We may excel at our careers, but if someone reviewed the way a number of us showed up for our own lives, we would get a failing grade!
The people who say that finding love is their ultimate goal complain about having too few options, too little time and the fact that nothing works. When I delve a bit deeper and ask about the time and energy they have put forward in pursuit of their biggest goal, the answer is surprising. The average dater I have spoken with puts only a few hours a month into his dating life, even though these same people claim that finding love is their biggest priority. What they say they want and what their actions demonstrate do not always add up. On a weekly basis, it seems that these people give precedence to almost every other ‘to do’ that they admit is less important. Of course work needs to be done and chores need to be completed – but boundaries also need to be created if one wants to find balance.
In defense of his ultra light dating schedule, one guy I interviewed said, “Who has the time for a lame date?” and another admitted, “I’d rather take a nap in my bed than a nap on a date with someone I don’t like”. Both these people’s comments are valid. The dating process can be draining and dating fatigue is common. The bizarre reality about dating is that most dates are designed to fail – that’s the nature of dating! Everyone I know in happy relationships found their partners after a series of dates that were less than memorable (or so awful, they were hard to forget). Having resilience (and let’s face it, a sense of humor) is a big piece of the dating equation.
Only by putting forth effort – time and energy – will dating work. Successful dating requires both physical effort: clearing time in your schedule and showing up for dates (like the ones conveniently planned by It’s Just Lunch!); and mental effort: adjusting your attitude so you can approach the process with excitement and curiosity.
When you are looking for love and overwhelmed by your overbooked calendar, consider: What do you have to say no to in order to say yes to your priority of finding a loving partner? You may have to say ‘no’ to working past 7 pm or working every weekend. After all, how do you expect to be in a relationship if you don’t even have time to date?! Or – you may have to say ‘no’ to the attitude that the pursuit of love is too tiring to be worthwhile. If finding a partner is one of your primary goals, find the time and space in your life to express that.
Andrea Syrtash is a dating and relationship expert, advice columnist and author of the new book, “He’s Just Not Your Type (and that’s a good thing)”. Andrea has made Google ‘hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com
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